Ripping off the veil
by aminervapr
Summary: Shallow Hal AU:Mara Jade is a ballerina teacher/part time martial arts coach best defined in three sentences 1.Extremely loyal to her close-knit circle. assy even when kicking the crap out of someone. practically centered on looks when choosing men. But that all changes when an impromptu meeting with renowned life coach Qui-Gon Jinn hypnotizes her to only see inner beauty.
1. Chapter 1

New York, 1997  
A nine year old girl named Mara Jade sits on a hard plastic chair in a hospital while gentling brushing a Barbie ballerina. Inside the hospital room doctors are performing surgery on her great-uncle Sheev Palpatine. She's resisting the growing impulse to barge into the room. Great uncle says she's a lady and ladies always do the proper thing, even if the rest of the world doesn't know what that means. A nurse asks Mara for her parent's phone numbers, they can stay in work for all she cares. Great uncle needs family support, not nuisances who'll criticize him for getting hit by lightning while driving. Her parents are more concerned with their careers than raising a child so great uncle is the one who watches over Mara every day. She got the role of Clara in her ballet recital when she was seven, to celebrate great uncle went to a toymaker and ordered a custom Barbie ballerina, with red hair just like hers. Mommy accused him of spoiling her and keeping her a child, at least uncle Sheev is around to spoil her! Just for that, she'll keep the doll forever and ever. Mara played Clara for a whole week, mom and dad failed to attend a single show. He'll be fine, no doubt about it. Great uncle will spend a month or two on a wheelchair, she'll nurse him back to health and he'll host their special tea parties in which the Emperor kisses every inch of her body, or as he calls it "bestowing my favor upon the fairest of Maidens". Maybe he can explain why she's not supposed to tell anyone about their game when he gets better. It's not like her parents ever ask what they do together. Those simpleton laborers have the basic intelligence to acknowledge she is in capable hands. According to great uncle, grandma's natural grace and intellect skipped a generation in the family, she believes him beyond any doubt. Sheev Palpatine is an Emperor among men, nothing stops him. She repeats that mantra over and over again as the hours pass and the doctors don't come out. He has to recover, the Emperor is immortal! Un-rivaled in this measly earth! After what seems an eternity but was only six hours one surgeon steps out of the room. She smoothens the wrinkles in her skirt and walks towards him, her calm demeanor expertly hiding the desperation underneath. When grandmother Satine was alive, she taught her that it's important to look your best even when you feel your worst. "Hysterical sobbing deforms the face and leaves your weakness out in the open" she said. Courtesy armors the spirit and beautifies you in front of the world, that is the mark of a real woman. She dons her coat of arms, it serves her well as the doctor calmly explains that Sheev Palpatine will not live past the hour. He lets her in so they can say their goodbyes. Next to the Emperor, machines beep on their distorted notes. The face she loves is wrapped with gauze. Irrelevant, let his splendour be blocked from all undeserving plebeian eyes. She is his and he is hers alone.

" Come closer, my lady" he beckons, his voice tired in a way she's never heard before. She runs to him, she would fly if she could. There is nothing she can deny him, lest his Grace be forced to rely on underlings. He gathers his fading strenght to press his hands onto hers. So loving, even as death saps his presence away from her. His head turns to face her, she hones all her focus on him. Nothing else matters more than this, their last moment together. No power on hell, heaven or earth will change that. They can chop off her legs and she'll still pay attention to him. Mortality will not grant them much longer.

"Listen carefully my darling Hand, your grandmother feared a life of spinsterhood. As a result she settled for an oafish husband and produced that ode to stupidity you are obliged to call Father. By work of providence, her gifts passed on to you. The Jade's family shining exemption from the mediocrity they so love. Your father wed a scullery maid and sired a nymph, you must find a man of legend so that you may give birth to a God. Only then will our family's blood be cleansed from all impurity. Will you carry out my bidding, dear one?"

She swears it shall be so, honored to be chosen for preserving his legacy. By state law Jade is her surname, but it will be the Kryze and Palpatine names she will uphold. He smiles at her as his heart stops beating. Medics hastily push her aside as they work to keep him alive. Electricity is sent in shocking blows to his chest. All for naught, Sheev Palpatine departs to enter a new reality. She pictures him as an angel in Heaven, God sends him to the everlasting flames. Later that day, the oaf's spawn and the scullery maid come to pick her up and cremate the Emperor's shell. In the haze of their self-centered lives, they never find out about the _"tea parties".The_ former senator's corpse is still grinning.


	2. Chapter 2

New York, 2016  
It's official: her no-good, workaholic parents cursed their only daughter from their graves. _I should have buried them at sea instead of next to Grandma & Grandpa but nooooo I had to go soft after spending three weeks visiting my egg and sperm donor in a fancy hospital I paid the bills for._They never got over the fact that Great Uncle Sheev left her every dime of the Palpatine family fortune. Without so much as a nickel for his nephew and niece in-law. She didn't ask for the money! He never even mentioned it to her. But there's no way her week could have been so disastrous without some sort of hex. Then again the curse could have been cast by her best friend's ex-boyfriend. Filth excels at spreading lies and damnation. On Monday some female charlatans named Barriss Offee and Assaj Ventress had the gall to claim that Sheev Palpatine sexually abused them. If they had just accused her great uncle with no evidence then it would have been insignificant, but the harlots brought falsified _photographs_ and fake _videos_ that leaked into the Internet. Her emperor once warned that no truth is more shamelesly bent than mankind's. His words ring true as statements from tatooed strumpets besmirch a hero. Tarnishing his public image to the point where her cousin Korkie was _**kindly suggested**_ by the mayor's office to remove his statue in the Capitol. And that's just her family issues. Rey Kenobi's caretaker Unkar Plutt called on Wednesday to tell her that the little girl couldn't attend ballet class due to chickenpox. Thing is Rey's medical records stated that she had been vaccinated against chickenpox. Following her gut feeling that something was wrong, she stalked Unkar until she found out where he lived and _**possibly**_ broke into his house. There she discovered Rey's real reason for skipping class all week long was a broken leg, graciously provided by her legal guardian. The egregious manatee caught her sneaking Rey out the window and tried to hit them, but he didn't take her martial arts training into account. Now Rey sends her brightly colored postcards from her grandfather's( who was unaware of his granddaughter's existence till now) farm in the middle of nowhere & they continue her studies through Skype. In the movies, doing this sort of thing gets you a medal and newspaper headlines, in real life it gets you suspended from teaching ballet. It's a good thing she works for fun, not necessity.

This all piles up to Friday when she thought to surprise her boyfriend Hux by preparing a nice candlelit dinner. She showed at his apartment where lo and behold, _working late_ meant lying in bed with his secretary Miss Phasma. Honestly, it's bad enough that he cheated on her but did it have to be so cliche? She gives up the positive act and calls Winter who promises a stress free night of Netflix and ice cream. Tomorrow, because tonight her best friend is still visiting family in some godforsaken place that's not on Google maps. She could ask Lando to hang out but since it's the beginning of the weekend, he'll be too busy flirting with every 20ish year old specimen in the city while moaning about Han Solo, _the ultimate wingman who abandoned the bachelor life for some princess in a backwater town_. If this Han guy exists, he's smarter than most people. So now she's checking out books from the library in hopes of drowning her sorrows in Tennyson, Goethe and Marlowe.

As she's walking into the library's elevator, a tall man with shoulder length hair stops the door from closing with one hand. The other is holding a worn down copy of Sir Walter Scott's Rob Roy. He seems oddly familiar for some reason. Not neighborhood familiar, more like TV show familiar. Then it clicks.

"Excuse me Sir, are you Qui-Gon Jinn?"

"Indeed I am, who do I have the pleasure of meeting?"

"Mara, Mara Jade. You know my friend Kyle has your book; Listening to the Will of the Force. He says it changed his perspective. "

" That was the intention, I'm glad your friend responded positively to it."

"So what brings you to New York?"

"I'm hosting a seminar on how healthy attachments are vital to a happy, well adjusted lifestyle for veterans struggling with PTSD."

"Good, our boys deserve some happiness of their own after fighting to ensure ours."

All of a sudden, the elevator begins to shake. The lights turn off as the emergency power activates dim neon yellow flares. Qui-Gon tenderly rubs her back as he assures her everything will be fine. _Why are all the nice, gorgeous men married?_ Well then, looks like they're stuck in the elevator till further notice. Which apparently means all night. No wonder the Communists protest against laziness in the American government. They end up discussing their love lives. Qui-Gon has been happily married to a blind linguist named Tahl for almost thirty years and has two children: Ahsoka and Kanan. Compared to him, Mara's a raging hurricane.

" Miss Jade, I'd like to know: what is your idea of a perfect man?"

"Nigel Terry's height, Rutger Hauer's eyes, Timothy Dalton's chin, Errol Flynn's hair, Sebastian Stan's cheekbones and Marlon Brando's abs before he fattened up."

"Miss Jade, if you constantly seek comforts of the flesh over the psyche you'll spend the rest of your life unsatisfied with what you settle for."

"Compliance's not in my nature, I'll not wed a branch when I want the tree."

"Then how about I help you find someone who is your match in every way, a soul mate if you will?"

"A Prince among men?"

"If we do this correctly, you'll steal a King's heart, Miss Jade."

"Show me the way, I'm ready Qui-Gon." _Please my Emperor, be proud of me._

"Think of a time you were unforgivably shallow. Don't roll your eyes at me, just do it. Now release your prejudice into the air. From this moment on whenever you meet someone you shall only see what lies within. You're gazing into the eyes of a man, you're feeling his heart, you're glimpsing his spirit. Good, very good. That's it."


	3. Chapter 3

On Saturday Winter arrives with a batch of her aunt Breha's blueberry muffins and a pint of Baskin-Robbins. Her best friend had never liked Hux, despite his well-to do social status and stellar looks. Or any man Mara's dated for that matter. She'd be pissed about it, if Winter's super powered jerk-detector hadn't proven its accuracy 99 percent of the time (even that time, the guy was a sleazeball: just not a heterosexual one). All things considered, Winter Celchu is a great person and an amazing friend. It's a shame she's an only child, she would gladly date a Celchu brother (as long as he was easy on the eyes of course). Sadly, Winter can't use her super weapon on herself due to the fact she's still letting her parents pick out dates for her. Granted, most of them are decent fellows with respectable incomes and table manners who _**actually**_ want kids but they're so dull a piece of integral bread seems more invigorating than these cubicle lovers. She craves fire, her parents send her mud. Whereas Mara seeks enlightment and uncovers frustration.

"You know Mara, now that you're only working part time maybe my folks can arrange a few suitors for you. They love you ever since you beat up my ex, whom my parent's didn't choose ergo not a excuse for saying no."

" Winter, your last date was Rick Moranis's clone."

" How is it possible for someone to spend their Christmas vacation volunteering at Graham Windham teaching self-defense to abused children, annually donate their bonus to St. Jude's, attend Catholic Church weekly, work every summer with Greenpeace and still be inconceivably shallow?"

" Not you too, that Jinn guy I spent all Friday night cooped up in the elevator with, also said I was shallow. Although, he supposedly cured me of my _wretched vanity_ so I could find my soul mate. I think it worked, immediately after I left the library, I caught a cab with this hunk. Then I got the hottest pizza delivery guy in history. "

" What'd he do, exorcise your great uncle's ghost from you?"

"Winter, I am going to ignore your last comment in order to avoid a homicide at 7:00 am."

They eat breakfast in silence. Mara knows there was no ill bearing in her friend's quip but too many people have ridiculed her great uncle recently. She'll make it up to Winter tonight, she can have complete control over Netflix. Right now though, her bff is momentarily set aside as she scrambles for a taxi. Sabine Wren, one of her co-workers called at 6:00 to ask if she could sub for Saturday rehearsals since Bo-Katan Wren's cancer shot up. While she loves having her job back for a while, Mara deeply wishes it was under happier circumstances. However, wishing doesn't ease the gaping heartache. That's what work is for. Next time, she's taking the subway. That way she can avoid running in ballet flats for three blocks at 8:30 in the morning. Her girls were all happy to see their instructor, they've been practicing so hard. Other than Jessica Pava inquiring about Rey, the class itself was uneventful. Rehearsals end at 12:00 and she browses the web to see if the eye patch on great-uncle's statue she saw on the way here is real or just paranoia. As usual, destiny picks the worst conclusion and the internet reveals the eye patch is accompanied by zits and a graffiti bra. Still dressed in her fuchsia skirted leotard, she empties her locker, shoves all her stuff in her bag and races to see if the culprit remains. At the crime scene, a figure is crouching over the statue of Sheev Palpatine's contemporary Yoda Masters. She throws him an axe kick, he falls on the ground in a flash.

"Miss, with all due respect I'd like to know what I did to deserve a kung fu attack."

"You earned my Jiu Jitsu attack by vandalizing history!"

"It was like that when I got here! I'm just cleaning up Yoda's statue. Some pervert drew a bra on all the statues. Haven't reached Palpatine yet, Mace Windu took me a while. _Sorry_ _for keeping the area clean."_

He stays on the floor as he talks to her, careful to keep his back turned while his arms stretch through the earth. Almost like he's trying to find something. Doesn't look like he dropped anything. Unless that huge sweater, turtle neck or baggy pants have more compartments. Who wears a sweater in the middle of August? This isn't Alaska, it's 90 degrees today. The damn thing's so thick she can barely see his... **hand.** Oh shit, he's searching for his prosthetic. She opens his bag, hoping for a spare but all he has in there is cleaning supplies (crap, he was telling the truth), a flip phone, a Victor Hugo novel, some granola bars, medication for chronic pain and an **Iraq war purple heart** cap. Holy smokes, she face kicked an armless veteran. Now would be a good time for the earth to swallow her whole. _Great uncle would be ashamed of me._ Her mental self flagellation is cut short by a small shadow behind Finis Valorum's statue. For once, fate looks kindly upon her as she retrieves his artificial limb.

"I found your prosthetic. Words can't describe how sorry I am, if there's any way I can make it up to you..."

He turns to take back his hand. She is met with the most breathtaking face she's ever seen. If Philip the Handsome was half as ravishing then the nature of Joan the Mad's obsession is a mystery to her no more. She'd drag his body over Europe anyday. His hair is spun gold, his eyes are mazarine blue, he is neither giant or midget. Eat your heart out Qui-Gon Jinn, my fantasy man exists! _My Emperor, I have found a godly man. Is this pleasing to you? Let Apollo satisfy our needs as Orpheus plays the lyre of love._

"Miss, I'm not offended. It was just a misunderstanding."

"Let me buy you lunch, it'll clear my conscience. Free dessert in exchange for your name."

"I'm Luke Skywalker. And you can stop the pity flirting now. It gets old pretty quick."

"Well, Luke Skywalker I'm Mara Jade and pity flirting is a phrase I've never heard of before, much less used."

"You actually want to be seen with me? In broad daylight, wearing a pink leotard? Is this a joke?"

"Just accept before I end up purchasing a horde of gift baskets for you."

"Fine, lunch. But don't say I didn't warn you."

They go to this French bistro and Luke opens the door for her. And keeps it open for the old lady going out. He takes off his coat and gives it to her when he sees her shivering. His sleeves are so long they hide his palm. How is he not melting? The sweater's a lot comfier than she thought it would be. When she thanks him for it, he says it's nothing. Polite, handsome,smart, funny and humble: where has he been hiding all her life? They fall into a easy conversation. Turns out he's an Opera fan. Even more surprising, he actually saw her when she played Sleeping Beauty last year and went again to see her dance but a different ballerina performed instead. She explains how she's a teacher and only performed that day cause the understudy was sick. He replies that the understudy should consider a vacation so she could dance more often. Mara kisses his cheek, he looks at her like she's a miracle. The waitress's perky attitude is reduced to a gasp when she sees them. Luke's hesitant smile disappears as the waitress fidgets while taking their order.

"Guess she's not used to serving men with killer good looks."

"Her reaction was mild, I get worse feedback from toddlers. Change of topics: are you allowed to drink that chocolate milkshake you ordered cause I thought dancers had this unrelenting diet plan. "

" We can splurge every now and then. Don't believe all that diehard healthnut propaganda. "

She asks if his girlfriend is some notorious calorie counter. Her heart skips a beat when he says he's single. Whoever crippled his self-esteem to the point his tone indicates assuming otherwise is impossible better watch out if she runs into him/her. Maybe it's the one arm situation. Losing a limb is pretty traumatizing. Luke joined the army at nineteen, he was honorably discharged three years later. While Mara was studying in Julliard, Luke was recovering from a dirty bomb blast. He spent two months in a coma, when he woke up doctors had amputated his hand and his body was covered in third degree burns combined with shrapnel. Lesser men would have committed suicide. Luke is grateful to be alive. Although she could have sworn the type of injuries he described left people severely disfigured. The army doesn't cover reconstructive surgery and Luke's family can't afford it. He says they're farmers, old school farmers. Guess he got the million dollar explosion. When they finish lunch, she gives back his coat and he buys a sandwich which is promptly given to the homeless man on the street.

" That was very nice of you."

"Not as nice as your company. You more than made up for that first impression."

"Well, next time I promise to ask questions before kicking people in the face."

"I'm happy you kicked me, this is the closest thing to a date I've had in four years."

"I could take you out on a real date this thursday if you want. We're going to the Metropolitan Art Museum. But you'd have to meet my best friend. No worries though, you might be the first guy she actually likes me dating. Can I have your phone number?"

"Uh sure, let's see how far we can stretch the miracle. This is my number, call me when you figure out the details."

"Great, I'll see you soon."

"Mara?..."

"Yeah farmboy?"

"If I don't hear from you, I appreciate everything anyway."


	4. Chapter 4

She circles Thursday in her calendar and calls Luke on Monday, hoping a day is long enough to avoid looking stalkerish. The obvious bewilderment in his voice baffles her. They talk for several hours and lose track of the time. Luke is an angel somehow unaware of his radiance. If anything the man thinks he's a broken gargoyle. What they do teach in Naboo, Montana? Self-loathing 101? There must be something in the water nowadays harming the men cause Lando's acting really strange, albeit for entirely different reasons. Her friend has lowered his dating standards with no logical explanation. They went for drinks on Sunday, Mara danced with these super-studs working in Autism Speaks Winter dragged out of the office. Lando pulled her away from them, under the pretense of "Saving her from the kingdom of dweebs". Winter said that she was proud of her finally "overcoming her shallowness" and baked her cranberry cookies to celebrate. She didn't correct her best friend, those cookies are too good to pass. Then this really attractive chick at Olive Garden flirted with Lando and he barely looked at the girl. At least Kyle is behaving normally when they teach Jiu Jitsu on Tuesday. Winter helps her pick an outfit on Thursday with no enthusiasm whatsoever. Given her past boyfriend experiences, Mara can't blame her. Lando drives them to the museum since he's the only one with a car. Luke promised to drive them back so Lando can leave when he shows up.

"Why are you doing this to yourself again Mara? Couldn't you just date one of the guys from the bar, they were nice."

"Can't you at least act excited, Lando's more high-spirited about today than you. "

" Lando thinks this is you going back to normal. I liked your new outlook on people more."

"This guy is incredible. He's cultured, sweet, funny and plays the piano with one hand. He volunteers at the V.A and teaches flying to disabled teenagers."

"You just described my cousin who I know you're never going out with. Are you reading my mail to invent a story for this guy? "

"I thought all your cousins were girls, don't you have twelve aunts or something?"

"I have nine aunts, just tell me what the bastard looks like so I can get this over with."

The two women look around for someone with Luke's features. Traffic at this hour is diabolical so Mara doesn't worry about him being ten minutes late. Winter decides to grab a cup of tea from the nearby vendor. The next thing Mara hears is her friend shriek, the bursting with joy type of shriek folks do when they win the lottery. She finds Winter hugging Luke, who is still covered in too many layers. Apparently Luke is the same cousin her friend thought she'd never date. _You had a sexy, intelligent, chivalrous man available & you didn't share. Winter, you are in so much trouble when I get home!_ For now she'll let it slide, Luke's smile when he finds out Winter's the aforementioned friend is too beautiful to ruin. Lando continues to act abnormally when he jumps at the sight of Luke, like a kid watching a horror movie. And just like that, the smile is gone and he pulls up the hood of his sweater. Winter asks Luke for the tea she never bought and punches Lando once her cousin's distracted. Of all the weird behavior going on lately, Winter's punch is definitely the best. Lando leaves with a black eye. Luke comes back with Winter's tea and a berry smoothie Mara had offhandedly mentioned as a favorite in their first conversation. Damn, this guy is thoughtful. They roam the museum for a couple of hours, Luke avoids crowds like the plague. When she gets home, she's reading up on PSTD. Mara takes his hand and races him to the Edward Blair Leighton exhibit, the smile returns. Winter leaves early and hugs them both before calling a cab, despite Luke's offer to drive. Subtlety was never her style.

"Luke: would you still go out with me if I rattled Winter a little cause she could have spared me three years of douche-bags by bringing you to dinner."

"Don't be too hard on my cousin, she was just watching out for me. But keep the kick-ass personality, you just might survive my sister that way."

"How is isolating you from me the same as protecting you?"

"By not setting me on unrealistic goals, she keeps me sane. Are you free for the rest of the day?"

"Yeah, my Greenpeace shift ended at July and being suspended from work means you have a lot of time on your hands."

"Good cause I know some kids who would love ballet lessons."

They drive to Rochester where they enter a camping site by showing Luke's volunteer card. She gets entry as a plus one. It's certainly spacious though she can't understand why there's so many nurses and guards everywhere. The staff provides her with ballet shoes and a leotard. Not as good as her own but they'll do nicely. A social worker verifies her credentials and asks if she's prone to squeamishness, fainting spells or throwing up. Turns out the camp is run by the University's Medical Center which is why security is so tight. She gets a little possessive when the brunette nurse warmly shakes Luke's hand after she signs her name in the volunteer list. Her fear that she's an old flame is dissuaded when Shara Bey explains she and Luke were in the same regiment. He leads her into a room and keeps his back turned so she can change. Out of curiosity, she calls out his name to see if he'll stare. He answers without turning. _A debonair farmboy. My very own knight._ He brings her into the music room so the class can start. A variety of girls, ranging from seven to sixteen step forward in pink, white and black tutus. The children's emotions are a mix of dread and euphoria. She's seen performers less nervous on opening night. Luke detaches his prosthetic and places it above the piano before addressing them.

"Ladies, this is my friend Mara. She's going to continue your class today because Miss Syndulla had an emergency. Be yourselves and don't be afraid to ask questions."

An adorable little girl with blonde hair stays behind the door, trying unsuccessfully to camouflage. She looks eight but her gaze belongs to an old woman, disillusioned with life and anxious to disappear. Judging by her clothes, she's not in the class. Well, that won't do. Dancing belongs to everyone, not whoever the teacher appoints.

"Hi honey, what's your name?"

"Tahiri"

"Well Tahiri, you're the cutest thing I've ever seen. I bet you could charm Dracula if you tried. Wanna be the cutest thing that ever danced?"

"You're funny, miss Mara?"

"What it is sweetie?"

"Can I have a tiara?"

"You most definitely can."

Tahiri's request makes all the other little girls want tiaras. Then the older ones feel left out so they also ask for them. They dance in synch, immersed in the melody Luke plays in the piano. For these girls dancing is an escape. From what exactly, Mara can't say. Some of these kids are untapped potential, she gives them all business cards for ballet companies and promises to put in a good word if they audition. They get the same glow in their eyes Luke did when she kissed him in the cheek. She tells Luke that next time they should bring fairy wings to match the tiaras. He beams with happiness at her as they drive to her apartment, commending her behavior.

"You were spectacular with them. A lot of people get grossed out by that kind of situation. When a total stranger does what you did, it really builds their self-confidence. Take it from someone who knows, it's liberating to be with somebody who's not afraid of you."

"Why would anybody be afraid of them or you?"

"Mara, If I wasn't a realist I'd think you're the long awaited Dea to my Gwynplaine."

"Who are these characters?"

"They're from a Victor Hugo novel, The Man Who Laughs."

"Send me a copy if you have any spare time."

"I'll buy you a copy."

"Save your money farmboy, I can download it from Kindle."

"Is this your apartment building? "

" Yeah, pull over cause I think I see Winter's telescope on the balcony."

"You're worrying over the wrong family member, Leia's the one who'll burn you on the stake, she's the mayor of Naboo and her husband's the sheriff so she could get away with it."

"Is that how you chase the girls away, your sister scares them to death?"

"More like she comforts me after I scare girls to death while Han resurrects them so he and Leia can shoot them afterwards."

"Luke, you're every woman's dream. There's nothing scary about you."

"Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

He opens her car door and ends the conversation. She invites him up and he politely refuses. He gently moves to take her hand, shaking like a leaf. Almost as if he didn't know if it was allowed. His self image is messed up beyond belief. Who says "feel free to say no" before asking someone out? She smiles at him while uttering yes and he blushes. His dimples are adorable. She kisses him on the lips before she enters the building. He stares in incredulity at her and nearly falls on the steps before recovering his balance. She fixes his sleeves before he leaves. _I'm convincing you to wear less fabric even if it kills me._

"Goodnight farmboy"

"Goodnight Dea."

Actions


	5. Chapter 5

Dating Luke is nothing short of magical. The man sees the world in a idealistic standpoint that puts most of their generation to shame. He says what he believes and stands by it. Even if no one else does. With Luke championing a lost cause doesn't seem bleak, it seems inevitable if nobility of spirit demands it. Personality wise, he would thrive in King Arthur's Court. For Luke the definition of love is unconditional loyalty, respect and affection. He defines friend as someone unrelated who will die for you. _And you call yourself_ _a realist. If anything farmboy, you're a modern day Jefferson Smith._ He treats her like a queen. On their fifth date he kisses her, so softly it resembles a prayer, an angel's whisper. She caresses his face and he weeps for joy. By mid-September Mara finally convinces Luke to stop wearing those coats. The turtle necks are a work in progress. All things considered, she hasn't been this happy since great-uncle Palpatine was alive. Which is Lando's comments in the gym right now are really grating her nerves.

"Did you and Winter switch bodies or something cause your behavior lately is OOC to the max."

"Calrissian, you're the one that's OCC. I set you up with beautiful women and you rejected them all."

"Are you hearing yourself? You wanna dance with nerds and fatties? Fine but hook me up with someone hot damnit !"

"The last three dates I arranged for you weren't hot?"

"I'm not into giraffes, hippos or laughing hyenas. And neither were you last month. The woman I've known since college wouldn't let herself be courted by a one armed Justin McLeod !"

"Careful Lando, I hit a lot harder than little Miss Celchu."

That has the desired effect of shutting him up. His co-workers think his black eye came from a bar fight, not a five foot, 110 pound pacifist and he wants to keep it that way. Stupid male bravado. He mumbles that if the rest of Winter's family is like Luke, the girls should use birth control. _Calrissian, this is exactly why I let you think I'm not a virgin._ Her Emperor taught her the value of purity. How it is irreplaceable and can only be given to the right individual. And how this individual had to love her as much as he did. She's lost quite a few love interests by refusing to sleep with them. Is it too much to ask for men that they propose or introduce her to their parents before trying to take her clothes off? So far Luke hasn't made any advances. He seems content without sex. Every time they kiss, he's still in awe. Maybe they do teach something worthwhile in Naboo. Her cellphone rings, she hears Luke telling her he has to cancel their dinner reservation tonight. Which would be fine with her if she didn't hear another man's voice in the back asking if there's any alcohol in his apartment.

She gets Luke's address from Winter and takes a taxi. Okay, maybe it's nothing. It could just be the TV in his apartment. She could be exaggerating. Luke wouldn't cheat on her with a man, right? The happy bubble she's been in all month is dangerously close to breaking. She knocks on the door and is met with a six foot, brown eyed, scruffy looking man who could be voted sexiest man alive in an instant. At least Luke cheated on her with someone a lot hotter than miss Phasma. Said man asks if she's the pizza delivery girl. She answers no and he slams the door. She kicks it open and the scruffy man warns her not to step any further unless she wants a knuckle sandwich. He looks tired, but no less determined. And clearly he has no qualms about beating up a girl. _This'll be fun._

The scruffy man tries to hit her, she blocks his punches every time. He's stronger than her but not faster. His technique tells her he's military, his rapid pace indicates he's been itching for a fight. Something's frustrating him. Whatever it is makes him sloppy. He lands a punch in the stomach, she slams his head on the table. He calls her a psycho bitch, she calls him a worthless scoundrel.

"Han, what's going on over there? _Wait, Han? As in brother in law Han? Oh shit._

"Luke, we're being invaded by a redheaded ninja in a sundress!"

"Mara, I'm sorry for canceling but I can't walk."

"That's Mara?! I thought you said she was sweet, not lethal !"

She doesn't hear Han's insult, her mind shut off everything that isn't Luke's voice after his apology. He sounded like he was in pain. It reminds her of great-uncle Sheev's agonizing speech before he went to heaven. She follows the echo and dreads the possibilities. Please don't die, please don't die farmboy. She finds him in what she assumes to be his bedroom. It's full of photographs depicting family and friends, overflowing with old books. A Legion Of Merit insignia is hung on the wall next to a purple heart. He's lying awkwardly in a full-size bed, a Shetland Sheepdog is nuzzling his stump and whimpering as if his master's pain was his own. There's an empty bottle of whisky on the chair.

"Artoo, stop whining: you're embarrassing me in front of the lady. "

" The lady embarrassed herself by nearly killing your brother in law. "

" Good, his ego could use a little deflating. "

" So what happened? "

" I ran out of medication for my chronic pain. So I risked a Tylenol overdose and waited all day for my prescription and drove to the pharmacy which was closed by the time I got it. So no meds today. Han panicked when I didn't call him and drove all the way from Montana to see if I was alright. Then he got me drunk to lessen the pain. "

" He drove all this way nonstop to see you?"

"That's an inch compared to the time he carried me thirty miles across enemy territory.* Han's the only reason I survived that blast. He puts on this tough guy act but underneath he's a marshmallow."

"Sounds like a good friend."

"The best. Could you please check if he's alright? You pack a mean punch Dea."

"I still haven't read that book farmboy."

"Please check on him ."

Typical Luke behavior, trying to heal the world without tending to his wounds. She kisses his hand and tells Artoo to take good care of his master. The dog barks and jumps to the empty space in Luke's bed. When she leaves the room Han is leaning his ear to the wall. And holding a bag of frozen peas to his head. In light of the circumstances, it's kinda cute to see him so protective. Luke is lucky to have him. He heard the whole conversation, obviously. She receives her first official death threat, which she takes as a sign that her relationship is serious. He doesn't accept her apology, what he wants is for Luke not to get his heart broken.

" I mean it Red, you cause one tear and I'm burying you in the backyard. Last thing the kid needs is Callista 2.0."

"His high school girlfriend Callista? Luke said they went their separate ways, not that she dumped him."

"Luke is incapable of bad-mouthing anyone ! Bet he didn't tell you they were engaged, am I right?"

"No, he didn't."

"Luke somehow managed to get a fiancée without losing his cherry. Damn kid was born a couple of centuries too late if you ask me."

"I think this century needs more people of his caliber."

"You and me both, Red."

"Back to Callista."

"Kid stays faithful to her all through the war and sends letters that make the females in our regiment swoon. We get bombed, I carry him to safety and hitch a ride to make sure he lives. His sister and I bonded while he was in a coma. We visited him every day. Callista went once and she threw up at the sight of him. Thank God he hadn't woken up yet. When he did, she broke their engagement right there in the hospital and the kid cried himself to sleep that night. Three years of war and Luke was still innocent until that day. I'll never forgive the bitch for that."

"And you let her get away with it?!"

"No, I stole the hospital tapes and showed the whole town how she dumped him. Turned her into a social pariah. Leia broke into her bank account, stole the witch's life savings and donated them to the Girl Scouts. No evidence was found. Of course back then, we were amateurs. These days we're a lot meaner."

"I believe you 100℅ and I will not let go of my Prince Charming."

"I wanna trust you Red. I want the kid to be happy."

"He's in good hands. Go home Han, you got a wife and two kids who miss you."

Notes: please read and review, I need proof that people actually like this story.


	6. Chapter 6

Almost a month after Han's visit Luke shows up to a date wearing a dress shirt with a spread collar. So long turtle necks, you shan't be missed. He looks at her that moment and guides her hands over certain areas of his neck, shoulders and back. His skin is smooth, unblemished by the scars of battle. There's no lust in his gaze, only resolution to accept the consequences of this moment tinged with fright. It's some sort of test but it's purpose is lost to her. What do you gain from this, what are you showing me that I can't see? He falters a bit as her hands touch his chest. His eyes dare her to keep looking as he unbuttons the shirt. The man has no right to hide those abs from the free world. He sighs in relief, looking to bystanders like a prisoner who's just been released from death row.

"Congratulations, you passed."

"Farmboy, I don't even know what test I was taking."

"If you don't mind my chest, you can see my father. The man insisted on proof that you wouldn't barf when you see him. He's kinda paranoid. The twin's birthday party is next week. Mom wants to meet you there."

"Will Terminator Leia be there as well?"

"Sadly, no. She and Han were called to deal with some political issues that went over my head. They had their own cake with the twins to make up for it. But the rest of my enormous family will be there. "

"Anything I should know before meeting your family?"

"My aunts will try to feed you a bakery if you let them, my niece Jaina is a little shy and Artoo's coming along. "

" You're not sitting me next to the dog are you?"

"No, that's Winter's spot ever since he was a puppy."

"You gonna tell me why your father's afraid of me puking on sight?"

"Next to him, I look like Brad Pitt."

She decides fair is fair and presents Luke and Winter to her cousin Korkie. They get along smashingly. Korkie tells her to marry the man as quickly as possible. And then he gives her a loaded gun in case he's wrong. He's a Kryze, no doubt about it. Winter begs her not to introduce Korkie to Luke's adopted brother Galen or his wife Juno. She makes no promises. They make the necessary arrangements and leave on friday for Jacen and Jaina's birthday party. Luke apologizes in advance for the countless death threats she'll receive from his friends and family as they drive to Naboo. There's not a pavement for miles around.

"Welcome to Naboo: population of 435 humans and 800 cows."

"Did we go back in time? This sort of place doesn't exist in the 21st century."

"We've had contractors try to put cement over the years but Dad scares them all off. Do not anger my father unless you're suicidal."

 _So that's where Leia gets her temper from. I wonder what Luke and Leia's mother is like._ She'll find out soon enough. Her own mother is a mystery she'll never solve. Her earliest memory of the woman who birthed her consists of clumsily walking towards her and falling before she can catch up. Great-uncle Palpatine is the one who picks her up from the ground and kisses her forehead, then he kissed her on the lips. It sums up their fledgeling relationship perfectly. Seeing Luke and Winter talk so fondly about their mothers makes her jealous for a moment. They stop at a house that looks like it came out of a country poster. Artoo jumps out of the car window to pounce on a little boy playing outside with Han's hair and eyes.

"Uncle Luke, help me!"

"I'll be there in a moment Jacen, you can last that long."

"If I die, Mommy will kill you."

"If you die, you don't get any presents."

At the prospect of no presents, Luke's nephew stands up and commands Artoo to sit down. Boys will be boys. Luke calls her "Lady Mara of New York" when he introduces her to Jacen. The boy laughs and says her hair is prettier than his sister's. Ah, the bluntness of youth. He runs to the house screaming "they're here!" with lungs so strong he might have a career in Theatre. A beautiful woman with greying brown braids and friendly eyes comes to greet them. Hollywood missed a Oscar winner with this one. The color is different but Luke's gaze is identical to the woman's. It's no surprise to her when he says she's his mother Padmé. The same light that shines in Luke is present in her. She asks him to get his father and bring Mara to the aunts. He heads upstairs, kisses her cheek and leaves her with a swarm of middle aged women who gush over the fact that Luke brought a girl. Their names are similar for the most part: Sabé, Dormé, Eirtaé, Rabé who is Winter's mother, Teckla, Moteé and Breha. What was Luke's grandmother thinking when she named her daughters?

They offer her every pastry God ever made. And remind her of the other fine uses of knives should their beloved nephew be harmed. Luke wasn't kidding, these women are amazons. She mouths "help me" to Winter but she just grins and goes off to play with the children. She wonders if this is payback for confiscating her Andrea Bocelli CD. Luke's uncle Owen saves her from saying no and potentially hurting their feelings. Unlike Padmé, Luke's father Anakin only has an older brother. So no more aunts at least. Except for Owen's wife Beru, but she's practically a saint. They put her to work fixing the fence. It feels good to be useful. Once they've finished Beru leads her back to the house and gives her lemonade in the kitchen. A blonde, middle aged man is sitting at the kitchen table, he's gazing at Padmé the way every woman wants to be looked at. When she sees Mara, Luke's mother taps him on the shoulder and the man fixes a hearing aid she hadn't noticed. The man has no legs and his left arm is stiff. He moves his wheelchair and Luke's eyes are staring back at her. So this is Luke's father.

"Luke wasn't lying, many an artist would paint your portrait Miss Jade."

"Oh, so you're the one who taught him all those old-fashioned compliments."

"My son loves unconditionally, regardless of whether or not we deserve it. He's fallen in love with you. Abuse that love and I will end your miserable life, am I clear!"

"One question: how are all of you going to kill me? Cause I think there'll be a line at this point."

"You have a dark sense of humor, you're dangerous, unusual and I can tell you have issues buried under that mask deep down. You'll fit right in with us."

She chooses to take his words as a positive response. A little girl comes forward and asks who she is. Mara blushes when Jaina calls her uncle Luke's girlfriend. His niece pushes her grandfather's wheelchair out of the kitchen, claiming that he needs playtime. Luke comes in and tells his niece to be careful with her grandpa who replies that if the Gulf War didn't kill him, playing with children won't finish him off. Galen gets criticized by everybody but Anakin for buying the twins toy guns. The rest of the day is uneventful. Except when the twins catch them just before they leave and start singing the kissing song. The Skywalkers are reckless, overprotective, unapologetic misfits and Mara loves them for it.

Notes

A million thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited.


	7. Chapter 7

In the middle of October she invites Luke into her apartment, this time he accepts the offer. The cold temperatures have forced him back to heavy layers but he promised it was only till the weather changed and she believes him. He takes off his coat upon entering. She starts making tea and watches him examine the bookshelves. He picks up a old but still in pristine condition ballerina doll from the shelf and looks at her inquisitively.

"That's Clara, great-uncle Palpatine gave her to me as a child."

"I think it's creepy that this doll looks exactly like you."

"She was custom made to look like me, it's not her fault."

"How old were you when he gave you this doll?"

"I was seven, great-uncle died when I was nine."

"Then how come you talk about him more than your parents? You said they died while you were in college."

"My inattentive parents were rabble, Great-uncle was an Emperor. I was his to have as he saw fit and he was mine alone."

His eyes widen at her statement. As if he sees something terribly wrong with it. Luke asks her if there was ever anything great-uncle did that she wasn't supposed to tell. When she says the tea parties are secret, he requests details of their special game. For the first time in their relationship she denies him. To impart such knowledge would violate the rules the Emperor left for her to follow. He finds a loophole and inquires if she was restricted from showing anyone through gestures how the game worked, without speaking. She answers no and proceeds to touch him. It's much easier than when she was little, her lips can reach the neck now. She takes Luke's hand and places it under her dress, for some reason he looks sick. After that day, he never lets her compare him to Sheev Palpatine again.

She eavesdrops on Luke talking to Han on the phone over possible paedophilia victims in the 90s, particularly girls related to politicians. Poor helpless children, she pities them. Thank goodness the Emperor always protected her from those wolves in sheep's clothing. He accumulates files and closes them before she can see them, he asks her to trust him. She does, he's never given her reasons for doubting his integrity. Luke accidentally leaves the files on her table one day. Lando skims them out of curiosity before she can stop him, he holds back the urge to vomit. Now she definitely doesn't want to see whatever's in there. Lando tries to rip the papers and tells her to dump the demented psychopath before she ends up in the morgue, she locks the papers in her room and doesn't dignify his claim with a response. Mara gives Luke the documents back, he burns them in the fireplace and hugs her like nothing else matters in that moment. Things go back to normal.

Luke gives her a house key in late October. They start havings movie nights in his couch. The man has an huge collection of silent fims and musicals on VHS. Luke starts shaking in a war movie and Artoo barks loudly, Mara turns it off and snuggles him. He apologizes profusely for the incident, she tells him the film wasn't a timeless classic if it's not approved by Artoo. After all this time, he still marvels at every kiss they share. A few weeks later Luke leaves for North Dakota to help a friend. The next day she finds several men sharing coffee with Luke in his apartment. They all look tired and unshaven.

"Mara, this is Biggs Darklighter, Wedge Antilles, Kes Dameron, Chewbacca, Wes Janson and Jek Porkins. Proud members of Rogue Squadron. My fellow Rogues: this is Mara Jade."

"Is there a military ceremony today or they did come here to inspect me, farmboy."

"Actually, they're here because Galen and I busted them out of jail. Don't tell anyone about them."

"You and your brother did what !?"

"Biggs is 1/16 Sioux on his mother's side so I knew he would join the Standing Rock protests. Turns out his whole family got arrested. I went with Galen to see if we could help since he lives closer to New York than Han. Found out the old gang was locked up and we just... acted?"

"Luke, you should have taken me with you."

"You're not angry at me for breaking the law?"

"Farmboy, this just reaffirms my belief that Callista Ming deserves the biggest loser crown and scepter for dumping you. "

Her statement makes Rogue Squadron whoop and Wedge says she's a keeper. Chewbacca asks Wes for money in Russian, apparently the two of them bet on whether or not Mara was real. She quips back in Russian that gambling leads to addiction and everyone stares in shock. Porkins asks where she learnt Russian, which leads to Dameron begging for any of her Bolshoi acquaintance's phone number. Luke informs Kes that Shara Bey broke up with her boyfriend and she's offered to house them. Kes inmediately retracts his desire for foreign ballerinas. Men are so predictable. Shara arrives at 10 and turns red as a tomato when Dameron flirts with her. Biggs stays behind and sleeps over. Unlike the others, he's known Luke since childhood and feels it's his right to tell Mara embarrassing stories about his oldest friend, despite the latter's disapproval. She laughs till her lungs feel like they're going to burst. Darklighter doesn't give any death threats cause he thinks that Padmé Skywalker nee Amidala's wrath is punishment enough. He's probably correct in assuming that good people are better at revenge. Biggs leaves in the morning and calls dibs on being godfather to their firstborn.

"So what'd you think of the Rogues? "

" Put em all on skinny jeans and your protests will have poster boys"

"Kes and Chewbacca would rather be flayed. Biggs and Wedge maybe but Porkins on skinny jeans? You'll give people nightmares."

"You want a nightmare? That lawyer obsessed with your mom is grotesque. He'd be perfect for a cheesy horror movie."

"Most women call Rush Clovis stunning, not horrific."

"Those warts and his pale, sickly skin will stun anyone with good eyesight. Your dad's way hotter than him, even without his legs."

"Mara, please marry me. "

" What kind of proposal is that? No ring, no kneeling down and you're in pajamas."

"My dad proposed to mom in kindergarten with a runny nose and a broken wrist. She said yes in a heartbeat."

"Well I need the ring. Bring one and I'll consider it, even if you get it from a cereal box."

"But there's a chance you'd say yes in the future?"

"In the 22nd century, your face will be the new definition of self-loathing."

He shakes his head playfully at her and wishes her a wonderful day. She gives him a goodbye kiss and they both say farewell, blissfully unaware that the calm before the storm is nearing its end.

Notes

Please read, write or review. Authors need comments to motivate their work.


	8. Chapter 8

Mara goes with Luke to the annual Halloween party on Naboo and finally meets Leia Skywalker-Solo. Luke's sister is short, beautiful and around three months pregnant. Which earns the aforementioned lady a "when were you going to tell me?" from her twin brother. She's using her pregnancy as part of her reelection campaign. Han keeps insisting that they should name the baby Han Solo Junior, Leia wants to name their son Anakin for her father. Outwardly, nothing about this graceful, brunette, porcelain skin goddess screams **_danger._** Until Rush Clovis tries to dissuade Padmé from "wasting her life as the bride of Frankenstein". Has he looked in a mirror lately? Then Leia beats Mara to punching the shit out of the man and reenters the festivities with a face so calm, you'd never guess she left a man unconscious and tied him naked to the nearest tree. _Note to self: do not anger this politician. Leia's Princess Xena in platform heels and fancy braids._

Mara tells Luke where her will is kept, in case his sister burns/drowns/strangles her to death. He can have all her Opera records, even her rare Rosa Poncelli vinyl. Kyle can have her library. Lando can have grandpa's disco collection. God knows he and Korkie are the only ones who'd appreciate it. Luke just laughs and says that he'll protect her. If Luke doesn't keep his word, she is going to haunt him till he greys prematurely. They see Biggs volunteering at Rochester under a fake name a couple of days later. Does no one from Naboo possess an ounce of self-preservation? After hearing about Leia's pregnancy, he jokingly orders them to start working on their babymaking. Her Emperor would had a heart attack if he'd met Luke and Biggs in the same room.

"Does Biggs know you were a virgin until we made love 3 weeks ago cause I thought he'd have given you a girl for the night."

"Not so loud, spies are everywhere. And he did about two years ago. But I convinced her to teach me a few tricks instead of ravaging me. Then we pretended to have sex so the guys wouldn't get another one."

"What, she wasn't pretty enough for you?"

"No, she was a supermodel but I don't believe in pity sex or one night stands for that matter. I wanted someone who saw me, not a gnarled amputee."

"So you wanted a blind girl. Visually impaired people still see, not just not the way we do."

"I know, my church has a blind priest and **nothing** escapes Father Kota. But that might be due to his Black Ops training."

"Farmboy, sometimes I think you're a magnet for noteworthy veterans and handicapped people. "

" Monsters have a way of finding each other. "

"Halloween was last week, I'll see you tomorrow and hopefully you'll have an epiphany and realize how beautiful you are by then."

She hails a taxi and heads home for a good night's sleep. For a second, she wonders if Winter has Callista Ming's home address so she can kill her for giving someone as wonderful as Luke insecurities. Nah, the bitch's not worth the homicide charges. Besides, Luke wouldn't approve it. He's never been prone to revenge. With a father like Anakin, that's a miracle. Probably his grandmother Shmi's influence. That old lady's a regular Mother Theresa. Her phone starts ringing, it better be important.

" Lando: I'm tired so clubbing is not in my plans tonight. Find another wingman or in my case wingwoman."

"Shallow Jade, looks can fade."

"What are you rambling on about?"

"I freed you from that Qui-Gon Jinn's voodoo spell and prevented your funeral. Your welcome."

"Are you stoned or something? I'm in perfect health and Qui-Gon Jinn's a life coach, not a witchdoctor."

"Meet me at Winter's place. I'll explain everything."

Great, now I have to take Calrissian for a psych evaluation. Unless he's high, then I'm putting him to bed with a teddy bear and posting the pictures on Facebook. She hangs up the phone and tells the driver to change course. Instead of the handsome figure that drove the car, she sees a mousy man with a receding hairline. What the hell is going on? Did the other taxi driver drug me? She jumps out of the vehicle and walks the rest of the way to Winter's apartment. Her best friend is hitting Lando with a rolling pin and saying that he ruined everything. He starts talking about some sort of trance Jinn gave her to see inner beauty. Winter believes him and says it explains how Mara constantly said Luke was gorgeous, her cousin hasn't been handsome since that blast disfigured him. Mara doesn't believe them until she sees Porkins who's chatting online with Winter and the 300 pound man cracks a joke about Bolshoi ballerinas she never told Lando when he sees her. She grabs the rolling pin from Winter and hits him on the head.

"Thanks a lot, you narcissistic, discomaniac manwhore ! I had a hot, gentlemanly man who was head over heels for me and you made him disappear!

"Your Prince charming is a crippled paedophile ! I was trying to protect you."

"What the fuck made you think that ?!"

"I have evidence, look this fell off the files he had. I took it before you noticed. The girl here is four, five years old tops."

"Lando, this girl is me."

She recognizes that dress. Great-uncle had bought it for her and gave her warm milk that made her sleepy. She's asleep in this photo and the dress is cast aside in the corner, covered in semen. Oh my God, those women weren't lying ! It's all gone horribly wrong. The Emperor is a servant of evil, Luke is deformed and she's a shallow whore that defended a rapist. Her whole life is meaningless. She has no honor, no legacy, no place in her head untouched by his poison. There's nowhere to hide, the corpse is still smiling. Her body faints while she screams inside.

Notes

Once again, thank you to everyone who read, favorited, followed or reviewed. You guys are what keeps this story going so keep the reviews coming.


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